MH: Different Things

  The night sky was clear tonight, so clear it was almost too hard to tell apart the stars from the fire flies (hint: stars aren’t yellow or blinking). The air was thick with humidity; that was something he would not miss in the least bit. He sat on the porch, feet dangling off the edge as he sat against the railing, staring down at the marshy swamp water that lapped towards the shore, eroding away the soggy ground that supported the wooden structure he sat on. He couldn’t imagine living in a place like this, let alone growing up in it. That sounded harsher than it should have; it was just so different from what he was used to. Lakes were his forte, maybe a pond or a river; swampy marshes though?

  This marsh talk was just a diversion though. He wanted to think about anything besides what was on his mind; his internal dialog eating him alive. He sighed and flipped his phone out again, but the red slash through the cell tower image in the top corner glared back at him tauntingly.

  “No service in de bayou, ‘member.”

  He flipped the phone shut, tucking it back into his hoodie pocket as he looked up at the voice. She slid in next to him, her toes more easily reaching the murky water below. She lazily let her foot drag the muck, looking out over the landscape, a smile playing across her lips.

  “Beauty ain’ it?”

  “Mm,” was his only response as he put his chin back on his crossed arms atop the railing.

  Her gold slitted eyes looked over to him, eyebrow cocked as she tried to read his slouch.

  “Somet’in’ wrong dere Chad?”

  “Just thinking.”

  “Mus’ be t’inkin’ hard den,” she tried, but when he offered no response, she leaned a little closer, brushing her shoulder against him, “C’mon chere, tell me what’s on yer mind.”

  “Us.”

  She blinked at that, not sure what he meant by that. “Wha’ you mean?”

  “At dinner,” he began after taking a breath, never taking his green eyes off some far away fixed point only he could see, “Your uncle talking to your cousin about her dating that Joe guy.”

  “Pft, don’ go worr’in’ ‘bou’ Betsy. Jus’ cause she t’inks she kin git Marco ta notice ‘er by flirtin’ wit ot’a guys don’ mean it’s gonna work.”

  “What about what you said.”

  She blinked again. “Wha’, you t’ink ah’m jus’ usin’ you tag it some ot’a guy? Is dat wha’s both’aing you?”

  “You said you weren’t looking to get married.”

  “You do realize dat “marriage” round dese parts usually means endin’ up barefoot an’ pregnant at 15 righ’?

  He stayed silent, so she kept talking.

  “My momma got me inta Monster High sa ah coul’ git a taste o’ de world, you know? She didn’ wanna see me en’ up li’e her momma bein’ knocked up an’ alone at 18. Ah wanna see de world, travel you know? Go an’ see dese ot’a countries before ah settle on down an’ go to college. Ah got ma whole life ta t’ink ‘bou’ havin’ kids or not.”

  “And what about me?”

  “Well you’d come wit me o’course,” she smiled, leaning to bump him again, “Ah kin already see us in Scaris, you at de Cordon Boo becoming a master chef, while ah explore dem catacombs, mebe fin’ me some buried treasure,” she chuckled at that, “Den we kin move onta somewhere else. I wasn’ planin’ ta leave ya behin’ if dat’s wha’ you were worryin’ ‘bou’.”

  He shakes his head at that. She frowns, still not following his train of thought; if the obvious wasn’t worrying him, then what was?

  “Chad, you gotta gimme somet’in’ ta go on here den, cause ah don’ know wha’s in yer head.”

  “No you don’t,” he sighed, closing his eyes, “I don’t want to go to college Betty, or to any culinary school.”

  “Wha? Why not? Ah thought you loved cookin’?”

  “I do, and I do want to be a chef, but some of the greatest never had any formal schooling. I might not make it I know, but at least I won’t have anyone telling me that the way I cook is wrong.”

  “Well den we won’ stay in Scaris. We’ll jus’ globe trot wit’ no boundaries. Ya kin explore foreign foods an’ incorporate all dat inta ya methods den.”

  Again he shook his head. “I don’t want to be a world traveler either.”

  “Ahright…dem wha’ do you plan ta do afta graduation?”

  “I’d always planned to get married and start a family.”

  “Righ’ out ov high school?”

  “I want to be able to handle my kids when they’re older, you know. I don’t want to have to fight needing to work and being there for them. When they have problems I want to be able to step away from my work and be there for them, and not leave them to figure it out on their own.”

  “An’ you t’ink havin’ a baby at 18 an’ no college education will let you do dat?”

  “I…I don’t know,” he sighed hiding his face in his arms, “I just know I want to be a dad, ok. But if there’s no possibility of that ever happening…”

  “Chad, ah didn’ mean…” she tried to reason, but her words trailed off because honestly, if she’d finished that sentence she would be lying. She was barely 16, she wasn’t ready to plan her entire life and family plan in this moment. She knew she loved Chad yes, she knew she wanted to be with him, and sure maybe someday she’d want to have kids with him, but right now in this moment she didn’t even want to think about that. She had cousins younger than she was who already had 3 kids; she did not want to become that, no matter how good a dad she thought he would make, she was not ready to agree to giving up her life to something this big.

  “We just want different things,” he broke her thoughts with that, “And that’s ok, it’s no one’s fault.”

  She stiffened at that; those words were ones that held a tone she never wanted to hear.

  “Wha’ are you sayin’ Chad?”

  He sighed, reresting his chin on his arms, but still keeping his eyes focused away, not on her. “You know, I was never going to ask you out. Robby’s the one that talked me into going out with you.”

  She bit back her tongue, knowing he wasn’t going to just leave it at that.

  “I didn’t really think we’d get along as well as we did. But he said “if it didn’t work after a few weeks just end it”.”

  “But you didn’.”

  “I…I think I was going to, but…”

  “But wha’?”

  “Robby and Quinn broke up,” he sighed, closing his eyes, knowing this sounded like a copout even as the words left his lips, “He was a mess, I was a mess, and you were just…there. Then there was the mess with Nora, and it just felt like the whole world was ending. My best friend was arrested, and I was on the brink of going to somewhere dark I think. But then there you were, helped keep things together for me.”

  “So you stayed wit’ me for wha’, six months cause you felt guilty?” she couldn’t help the sharp edge to her tone there.

  “No.”

  “Well why den,” she hissed, “If you knew den dat you didn’ love me, why did ya string me along li’e dat?”

  “Because I did love you,” he said softly, “I do love you Betty.”

  Her anger started to fizzle at that; any retort she had burning on her tongue just faded. She couldn’t deny the sadness and the pain in his voice, though it did little to comfort the ache in her chest, she at least started to understand.

  “But I’m starting to see that we just want some really different things and I…I don’t want to be the reason you have to give up things you want.”

  “Ah ain’ askin’ ya ta do dat Chad,” she tried.

  “But you’re asking me to?”

  “You don’ gotta go ta college, or go globe trottin’ wit me. Heck, we kin jus’ drive ‘round de country hu?” she tried again, reaching out to touch his shoulder.

  “Then you’re giving up what you want.”

  She withdrew her hand and looked own at the swamp below, watched as the fireflies buzzing around reflected against its dark surface.

  “Why did you come wit me ta my family’s home if you were jus’ goin ta break up wit me?”

  “I didn’t plan this,” he admitted, despite it soundly again like a cop out, “I wanted to meet your family, I wanted to spend time with you and the people I was hoping I’d call family. But just seeing you react with them I guess I just…I just realized that we…”

  “Wan’ diff’rent t’ings,” she finished for him.

  Silence hung thickly between them, clinging tightly and more densely than the humid air of the night.

  “I still want to be friends,” he finally broke it.

  She couldn’t help the flinch at those dreaded words too.

  “I still care about you Betty, and we have a lot of fun together. But it’s just not fair if…if ultimately we can’t be together…I don’t want to take you away from anyone you might find that you could have a relationship with…you know.”

  She bit back the desire to bring up Nora, and how he would just go after her now that he was “free and clear” because since she would be free to find another relationship so would he. But she wouldn’t say that; deep down she knew that was not something he would do, even if at the moment it was the only things he could think of to explain all of this. She wouldn’t hurt him, not like that.

  “So we’re really broken up den.”

  “I think so.”

  A beat of silence.

  “E’er t’ink we migh’ git back togetha?”

  He shrugged slightly. “I don’t know, maybe, but not this year. Junior year, everyone’s picking colleges or planning backpacking trips. When I get back I have to help Robby and Grave find an apartment.”

  She nodded, remembering their friends’ plights. “Ah’ll still take ya ta de airport tamorrow.”

  “I’d like that. It’d be a really long walk.”

  He’d hoped to get a chuckle out of her from that quip, but there was just silence. He caught sight of her from his peripheral vision, saw her get up and turn to leave. There were tears on her scales, and no smile in sight. He was left alone again on the porch, out in the dank swamp lands, with just the stars and the fireflies as company. He sighed and buried his face against arm and railing again.